By Kenny | June 5, 2014
My phone has been blowing up. Twitter and Facebook suspended my accounts. Everywhere I go people have been stopping me on the street asking me about Tommy’s controversial week 1 weigh in, wanting to know what’s going on and demanding justice. At a recent press-conference I addressed the media and concerned public, “All I can say is that Fat Brother Tommy’s weigh-in is under investigation, but until sufficient evidence is found to the contrary, his initial and current weigh-ins will stand.” Then I was abruptly whisked away by my security team amidst a flurry of flashbulbs, shouting reporters and angry threats of violence aimed at Fat Brother Tommy.
Once safely back at FBK headquarters, I loosened my tie, wiped my brow and through my attornies released an official statement, “While I support Fat Brother Tommy in his weight loss endeavors and I’m pleased to see he’s making progress, Fat Brother Tommy’s initial weigh-in is highly suspicious. We have launched an official inquiry and pending the outcome of our investigation Tommy’s initial weigh-in will appear with an asterisk and future weigh-ins will be scrutinized and cast in a shroud of doubt.”
What I will tell you my dear readers (both of you), is that if Fat Brother Tommy needs deceive himself to stay motivated, that’s fine with me. My plan all along was to give FB Tommy a head start so I could crush him in the end. His flagrant disregard the integrity of our competition, for honesty and the American way, will make my victory all the sweeter in the end.
Now moving on to legitimate official weigh in news, here is my weigh-in from Sunday AM.
No controversy, no hullabaloo, no deception. Just a good old-fashioned, squeaky clean, 1 pound of legitimate weight loss.
Stay tuned for the results of the official inquiry into Fat Brother Tommy’s highly suspicious initial weigh in and more authentic weight loss from Fat Brother Kenny.