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Diet Tip from God: Eat Bread
By Kenny | January 9, 2008
I like to eat bread. Bread is good. But if you’re not careful, bread can be very bad for you. In fact, bread can kill you. OK, not really, but a lot of bread makers are malicious, evil, sneaky little bastards that will try and trick you into eating bread that is full of refined flour and dye which is very bad for you. I’ll help you navigate the aisle of soft fluffy goodness to help find a bread that is good for you.
First look for wheat bread, but not just any wheat bread- whole grain wheat bread. The key here is the word “whole” before the words “grain” or “wheat”. Evil bread makers will use the words “wheat bread” on the package to fool you but what they mean is “refined flour with the bran and germ stripped away and painted brown leaving you with colored ordinary white bread that spikes your blood sugar and leaves you hungry for more evil, painted white bread soon after.” Refined flour is horrible for you so don’t eat it. Ever. Seriously. White bread and other foods made with refined white flour (simple carbohydrates) are bad for you because they spike your blood sugar. What Dr. Atkins and many other smarty smart smarts took so many pages in so many books to explain, I’ll summarize like this:
Simple carbs = rapid absorbsion = insulin spike = energy peaks = energy lulls = cravings = more simple carbs = rapid absorbtion = insulin spike = no energy because your body doesn’t care about you any more = blindness = limbs falling off = death = family being sad.
You don’t want to make your family sad do you? Good, so don’t eat white bread. Or white rice or a bunch of processed foods like chips, or a bunch of sugar. You still may get hit by a bus though and there’s nothing anyone can do about that.
Back to bread; one excellent bread option comes to us from God.
Read Ezekiel 4:9-17: “Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof…”
Bread made this way is extremely healthy. For one it’s a complete protein meaning that it contains all the amino acids that your body can’t make on its own- so you are getting the same quality of protein that you normally would only get from milk or eggs. Also, you’ll notice that the recipe calls for no flour at all, which is good for absorbtion into the bloodstream. While there are many other bread options out there, why argue with God?
The popular brand of this (and the only brand I’ve ever seen at stores) is called Ezekiel and you won’t find it in the bread aisle at the store because it’s in the refrigerated section, where God wants it.
For Atheists (and people who don’t live 2 miles from a Whole Foods) you might prefer a more commonly found whole grain, whole wheat bread. My personal favorite is Oroweat Double Fiber. It’s made with whole grain/whole wheat flour and the bread itself is soft and moist like delicious (evil) white bread. Not to mention it contains 6 grams of fiber which is about ½ of what we need per day! Yea Poo Poo!! There are lots of good options at the store, just make sure that whole grains listed first or second on the ingredients list and find one that you like.
Another option not to be ignored in the bread discussion is Mission Low Carb Tortillas. These torts are low glycemic, so while they aren’t made of whole grains or wheat, they won’t spike your blood sugar. Plus they have 11 grams of fiber per slice and and they taste just like (evil) white flour tortillas. I eat all sorts of stuff on tortillas and the Mission Low Carb have been a wonderful find.
So if you’re like me and you love to eat bread, heed my warnings and take my advice. It just may save your life.
And please look both ways before crossing the street.
Topics: Weight Loss Challenge 2008 |
January 9th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Hilarious post! I went to the store tonight and searched high and low for “whole” wheat. Then I forgot what you said about what should be written on the package. Did he say “wheat” should come first? Or “whole?” I had a mini-panic attack. I wound up with “100% Whole Wheat.” I see now I made the right move.
Love this blog!
January 9th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Great post. I don’t know if it’s possible for me to eat non-white rice though. That’s all they have here! Should I cut down on how much I eat?
January 10th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
@ Kathy- 100% whole wheat is great! Make sure to read the ingredients and make sure that whole wheat flour and or whole grains are listed 1st or 2nd on the ingredients list and you’ve picked a winner.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Tommy- I don’t know as much about rice (since I don’t really eat it anyway) but my understanding is that white rice is highly refined and contains very little fiber so it’s absorbed rapidly into the blood stream. Brown rice is whole grain so it absorbs slowly and doesn’t spike your blood sugar so if you can find brown rice, it’s like finding whole wheat bread.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Yeah, always check the back of the bag (the ingredient list) because the front of the bag is almost always misleading.
January 12th, 2008 at 5:34 am
Good post. 100% stone-ground whole wheat is even better.
January 12th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Stone ground whole wheat IS better. It’s super-healthy and I highly recommend it. thanks for pointing that one out doc.